Wow, so that's what that is!

Stone Dance is done, what an amazing gift. I went into this totally blind. I had never attended this ceremony, never even heard about it until a few months ago. I had idea what to expect.
I left here Friday afternoon with the bf, (he was incredibly supportive, btw) and my biggest fear was that I would not be able to make it through. We unloaded my stuff, and my sponsor was not there. I got back in the truck for a moment to say good-bye and I started to cry. I was a bit overwhelmed. I was in a strange situation with no one I knew very well. I was alone and about to embark on a big journey, and I was going the road alone.
He said to me, "you don't have to do this, I will get your stuff and take you home right now." I was shocked, I never thought of not doing it. I said, "I'm having a moment of fear not doubt." I kissed him good-bye and I was off on my grand new adventure.
It was amazing, it was lovely and everything happened exactly as it should. Not as I expected, but as it should.
Tell you more later.

The move is done!

Well, we did it. I am moved. Within two days every box was unpacked and art was on the walls. Now I'm not saying it's done, but at least it's now home. (Someday I am going to have to work on that garage...) I am so very grateful for the help of my lovely boyfriend and his crew. They made it all possible.
Now, having said that I worry about talking about him. As most of you well know I don't exactly have the best track record with the romantic interests in my lie. So I wonder if it's a good idea to talk about them on here. But then again it's an important part of my daily life. Hmmm.... what to do, what to do...? I think I would like some opinions on that.
Today I am preparing to leave for Stone Dance. I am excited and terrified. I know that huge things will come of this, but I really want a gentle experience of change this time. As a Phoenix this has most definitely NOT been my past. That fire freaking hurts! (Most of the time.) But my life is growing gentler. As I age, become more aware, spend more time focused on the positive, feel more centered in my truth I ride the waves of my life much more easily.
It's not until I look backwards that I realize this. But it is the truth. Things that would have knocked me off center, heck knocked me off my rocker for that matter, come and go now. These days I know that the truth is still the truth, that I am still going where I'm going, and that love is always the answer.
I was asked the other day (via text no less) what are practical ways to let go of the ego? Wow, apparently someone out there thinks I know the answer to that question. I think I will pray on that while I dance.

A New Beginning!

I know you will find this surprising, but once again I am starting over. Imagine that, a Phoenix with a fresh start!
It has been a long year and I am truly ready for some new mojo. There has been much transition, some good, some great, some difficult. Last year at this time I was just coming out of my winter funk and getting ready to perform a wedding. To be honest, I don't even remember what I did last memorial day weekend. Earlier that month I went on a trip with my ex-boyfriend to celebrate our then non-existent anniversary. It was a valiant attempt at camaraderie that turned into something out of deliverance.
He wanted to stay at a B&B. We picked a place near the Katy Trail so we could ride our bikes. When we got there, it was quaint, lots of stone and windows. Bird feeders outside the kitchen revealed a variety of birds I never see in the city. We took our bikes out, but the trail was flooded over. Hmmm... no riding to be done. We went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Le Bourgeois Winery serves wonderful food. Full with great food we came back to the B&B ready to hop into the hot tub. Walking in the front door I am blasted but nothing other than NASCAR. Giant screen and volume all the way up. Lo and behold our host is drunk. We headed out to the hot tub to avoid the race and she comes out to sit on the side of the tub and regale us with her stories of her favorite drivers.
Thankfully I was there with someone I had no desire to fool around with, but imagine if I had? Eventually I resigned myself to bed. In the morning I was the first to rise. (Truly no surprise.) I went in the kitchen and made myself coffee, sat down and started bird watching. It was the best part of the trip. Soon enough everyone was up and eating breakfast. She and my ex kept talking about these eagles that were nesting down the road. He wanted to go and I was game. Somehow I got voted to be the one to drive her truck!? What? Ok... We get a hundred yards down the road and she insists that I stop at the little general store so she can get something for her "headache from sleeping wrong." After 5 minutes she emerges with.... wait for it... a case of beer! I suppose that will fix it. The trip only improved from there. How could it not?
In the year since then so much has transpired. My ex moved out after living as roommates for a year. (It taught me a lot about when I detach from someone's behavior what miracles can happen.)
My brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. Has undergone arduous chemo. radiation and surgery. He is still in school full time. He is a hero.
I took up hoop dancing. It brings so much joy to my spirit. I look forward to it every chance I get.
I made a trip to Colorado by myself for the first time in over a decade. I met up with my girlfriend that I have known since I was 4. We had a great retreat in Grand Lake and we laughed non-stop. It truly revived my spirit.
I attended a "workshop" called Sacred Space, Urban Grace that brought me to Peruvian Shamanism. I have always been a spiritual woman, but this is a whole new level of discipline. I am now in the midst of a 2 year apprenticeship in the Pachakuti Mesa Tradition. It is changing my at a core level. I am sure you will here about it frequently here.
I stayed home by myself for Christmas. It was an interesting experience. I had a cold, and couldn't be around my brother, then a blizzard blew in anyway. It was a mixed blessing. I will share some of my insights another time.
I recently started dating a man who is slowly but surely winning my heart over. He has treated me better than any other man in my life. He is a good man with a true heart. He was raised in the south and I think that makes a difference in how he sees me. It also seems to have affected his political judgment. Needless to say we have very different political views. I would not have imagined myself dating a conservative, butt we are able to laugh at our differences. I am even able to laugh at myself when I see my "passion" getting in the way of equanimity. That's a big one for me.
And now tonight I stand on the verge of another mew beginning, a new lifetime within a lifetime. I am a fortunate woman.
Tomorrow morning I move into my new home. I am leaving this house that I moved into with such great love and aspiration to a new vision of what those aspirations and dreams will be in my life. It is exciting and scary all at once. I love my new home, and it is much smaller than where I was. I love being back in my old neighborhood. I will be living just down the street from my hair dresser and my nail tech. Looks like I will be driving even less!
My good-bye is bittersweet. I haven't loved this home for some time, but I am leaving a little bit of me behind. The woman who originally owned this house planted many beautiful flowers that continue to bloom long after she has passed. I like the comfort of feeling her love. The picture at the top is my backyard last year. It is one of my favorite pictures ever. As you can see it is blazing with spirit. I pray I take her flower medicine with me as I set out on my new journey.
For all of these things and this beautiful journey I call my life I am grateful.

I am just about to catch fire once again. If you watch closely you'll see the magic happen...
I will see you on the other side.

Mucho Munay!