This is why I didn't think it was a good idea.

I mentioned the other day that I didn't know if it was a good idea to talk about my boyfriend. I was hesitant. It seemed like I might have to explain when they come and go. I am 42 years old and still looking for my life partner. I have dated more men than anyone should ever have to count. I have been married and divorced. I have lived with a couple of men. I have dated short, tall, fat, skinny, brown, white, black, religious, atheist, monogamous, polyamorous, serious and immature men. A few years back when I went through my first experiences of online dating. Everyone thought I should write a book. It was hilarious what happened. And let me tell you I did some serious sorting to get to the men that I agreed to go out with.
So now here I am once again looking at the precipice that is singledom. First of all, obviously I should never have agreed not to see other people. Once I did, everything went down hill. Three days after I agree not to see anyone else I said, "you have treated me better than any man ever has before." It was true. He was loving, thoughtful, and a true southern gentlemen. I hadn't experienced this in the past. I like that feminine feeling. (Believe me, it's not one I get all that often.) He was in heaven. He told me he was going to go to the hardware store, get me a big metal bar, and mount it about 15 feet above my head. Because that is where the bar should be set for me.
Well, that was our last date. I think I am a pretty good person. I have some good life experience that tells me how to treat people. I am kind most of the time. I am helpful and loving. I have a more than a few friends that will tell you I have a good open heart. So why I am I creating this experience once again? I tell you I never thought I would be 42 and here.
I am truly ready to release any negative belief system I have, and fall head over heels, get butterflies, be giddy when he calls, and anxiously await his arrival.
I have written the lists, I have cleared my past ties, I have prayed, and danced, I have fasted and I have opened, I have put myself out there, I have gone years without dating or having sex to clear myself of any neediness, I have shaved my head to let go of my ego. I simply can't think of one reason why I am not married to the love of my life.
Men fall in love with me frequently. They like my physical being, they like that I am funny and positive. For some reason it cannot be sustained.
What a long strange trip it's been...